Another Year, Another Birthday

Hello again (finally) all -
I knew it had been a while since I had updated but geesh, didn't realize it had been this long. So sorry for the long silence.

With today being my birthday {shudder}, I could not help but become a little reflective this morning. This last year has had quite a few challenges, lots of changes, pain, loss and a few bright spots.

Today marks not only my birthday, but the 1 year mark of the first day of my Fiance's trail against my youngest daughter. While in some respects this day will be somewhat haunted by this event for the rest of my life, the good news that came out of it was that he was found NOT GUILTY on all charges just a couple of days later. So while on this day a year ago - nooooo one was in the mood to celebrate a birthday, we just kinda let the day go by without any fan fare, understandably.

But in the remaining 364 days since that day, so much has happend and so many challenges. Once the trial was over, we couldn't wait to get out of that hell hole of a town. So we returned to where we thought we would be comfortable and somewhat safe, we came home to Florida. The relief for me so huge, I spent the first day back in bed physically ill all day from just the huge amount of stress lifted from my shoulders by just being back in this place.

The idea of returning to work would be alot easier than actually going back to work. Joe who had previously worked in construction, still has not been able to return to that profession because of the economy, however after 4 months of being back here, was able to go to work for a family friend. I took random temp jobs of one day here and one day there before finally going back to work full time after 6 months of being back.

The end of the year saw the beginning of heartache for friends near and dear to us which of course made our hearts hurt as well. The passing of my boss' wife, the passing of my best friend's father, the deaths of kids my girls went to school with, finding out my mother (we parted ways after returning to Florida because of her handling - or LACK of handling should we say of the situation with my daughter) had a stroke (she is fine, no lasting effects other than some arm weakness she is going to PT for). One could not help but wonder if this was supposed to be some sort of cosmic kick in the butt for us to begin to appreciate the world around us again.

After 10 long, cramped months of the 3 of us living in a hotel room, we finally moved out into a rented house. While it was not the home to which we lost during this nightmarish time, it was still more than a hotel room. On the bright side, it is in an old and familiar neighborhood, so it does bring some comfort. In the midst of the comfort has come wondering, some things were still in the home we lost, the struggle to remember WHAT exactly was left seems to be an almost daily thing. But now in some official way I guess, we can now begin to rebuild our lives, somehow look forward.

This last year, I have spend more time on the internet researching, reading, listening, watching, and for heavens sake CRYING. For through my own heartache, anger and betrayal, I slowly but surely found my story not to be an isolated incident, to be not the exception to the rule. In fact I found my story to be somewhat commonplace in my towns, my states, my country and even my world. For my story isn't exclusive to the United States, my story echoes in various countries around the world like Australia, Brittain and Singapore. Everyday a new website (http://www.fightcps.com/), everyday a new blog (http://www.falselyaccuseddad.com/) (http://www.legallykidnapped.blogspotcom/) (http://www.my.kidjacked.com/), everyday a new Facebook Group (Stop Parental Alienation - Fight For Parents Rights (the cause I started now up to 1,300 people in less than a year), Children Have Rights Too, Disarm Parental Predators, Fathers4Justice), everyday a new organization (Eagle Forum, Constitutional Emergency, NPRA, Abuse Freedom United).

Through my heartache and tragedy while extremely painful, there were those in so much more pain than I. My daughter was almost of "age" when stolen, others had their children for mere moments by comparison. Some fighting tooth and nail clinging to the hope they will see their children again while others stand beside a casket, clinging to the only thing they have left, memories. Through my tears reading these stories, watching these videos, and connecting with all of these AMAZING people, I could not help but in some small seemingly insignificant way, being grateful.

My sliver of gratitude comes from the fact that if I had not gone thru this personal hell, if I had not been court ordered to see a therapist (who ironically has become a great source of strength for me - too bad CPS Wyoming...lmao), if I did not have access to the internet and Facebook and Twitter, I would never have had "friends" that each day amaze me with their strength, their kindness, their will to survive and carry on, their hearts. Their willingness to help those around them and those fighting the similar fight. I am thankful that these strangers have come into my life, I am thankful for all they have shared with me, I am thankful for the strength they share with all who surround them. My prayer is that one day, we can all meet together, in one place, with our families back together and whole.